Interview with Middle Earth Millennia
by L8Bleumr
Summary: *COMPLETE* This was in answer to a challenge titled "What's your lover's favorite things." The idea was to interview your favorite LotR character and then yourself. This is my silly version of an interview gone wrong. Rated for suggestive material.
1. Interview 1  Legolas

**Interview with Middle Earth Millennia (MEM) / Legolas (L) - Part 1**

**MEM:** "So we have with us here today, Legolas Thranduilion of the Woodland Realm. How are you this morning?"

**L:** "I am fine thank you."

**MEM:** "Uh, what shall I refer to you as, Prince… Mr. Thranduilion?"

**L:** *laughs* "Legolas would be fine. The name Thranduilion does not work in that fashion and only my lover calls me Prince."He smiles at the thought.

**MEM**: "I hope you don't mind me asking you a few questions about your significant other."

**L**: "No, of course not. What is it you would like to know?"

**MEM:** "Well, being that you are an elf and she is human, not to mention the thousands of years age difference, what do you do for fun? And please share with us anything that comes to mind."

**L:** "We like to go for long walks and working in the garden. But our new adventure is… driving."

**MEM:** "Driving? Driving a golf ball, driving her into a state of…"

**L:** *tips of ears turn bright pink* "Driving a car of course."

**MEM:** *sighs and thinks the interview is going nowhere* "O.K. What kind of car?"

**L:** "It is a 1973 Dodge Challenger R/T. Oh and it is a stick."

**MEM:** "It must be a challenge to go from controlling a horse to controlling a car, especially a stick shift."

**L: **"Oh yes, it was quite difficult, but Melissa has been a very good teacher."

**MEM:** "And what was the first thing you learned?"

**L:** "At first I had to learn the feel of my gear shift in my hand. I had to know exactly where it was so I could grab it as soon as I needed it."

**MEM:** "That seems like an odd thing to have to learn. Shouldn't you know by instinct where it is located?"

**L:** "It seems I had a problem with where to grab it. I would want to hold it by its shaft but she said that was an incorrect position. I should always place the palm of my hand around its end. She was right of course. It moves much easier this way. I also had to learn how and where to move it. If I moved it up and to the left, it seemed to want to sputter and jump. The first time this happened, Melissa got angry with me. But she placed her hand over mine and helped me learn how to shift it into position smoothly without thrashing it around."

**MEM:** "And how are you now? Have you gotten comfortable with it?"

**L:** "Oh yes. I do not need help anymore, though she still likes to lay her hand over mine sometimes. Then we shift it together."

**MEM:** "So you say you have a garden. What do you like to grow?"

**L:** "Mellon." *laughs a little too hard*

**MEM:** "Isn't… that… the elvish word for… friend?" *becomes frightened when he does a sort of laugh/snort thing*

**L:** "It is a joke we like share. Of course I know what I said. Actually, we grow melons."

**MEM:** "Really? What kind?"

**L:** "Oh all kinds. Big ones, small one. Round ones. Oval ones."

**MEM:** "Oval melons?"

**L:** "Well, they come in all shapes and sizes. It all depends on what you like."

**MEM:** "And what is your favorite melon Legolas?"

**L:** "Oh, there is a kind of melon that is better than all the rest. It is full and round. Mmm… Melissa has personally had a hand in developing this kind."

**MEM:** "That sounds very exciting."

**L:** "Oh it is. Melissa's melons are beyond compare to others. They are firm and perfectly shaped. They taste just wonderful by themselves, but my favorite way to enjoy them is to sprinkle some sugar on them and lick it off before I devour them."

**MEM:** "And this does not take away from the original texture?"

**L:** "Not at all. Whip cream turns them into an even better treat. She likes it when I cover hers with this creamy fluff. Then she slaps my hand away when I try to grab a taste before she's ready to give it to me. Patience was never my strong point, especially since tasting Melissa's melons."

**MEM:** "Well, our time is through here. Thank you for sharing your favorite things with us. Good luck with your stick shift and I encourage everyone to try Melissa's melons. They sound absolutely delicious."


	2. Interview 2  Melissa

**Interview with Middle Earth Millennia (MEM) / Melissa (M) - Part 2**

**MEM:** "It is so nice to finally meet you Melissa."

**M:** "It's great to be here. I've been an avid fan of your magazine for years."

**MEM:** "Is it true that you met Legolas through the singles wanted section of our little rag mag?"

**M:** *laughs* "Yes, yes it is. I found it odd that someone as gorgeous as him needed to put an ad out. But when you are as old as he is, eventually you've met everyone already."

MEM: "Had you met him before then?"

**M:** "No. He was referring to elves. He'd only ever been with his kind before. Said he put the ad out because he was ready to switch sides. And honey, let me tell you, no one has been happier that he did. I was a little prejudice myself. Some of my best friends are elves but I've never been romantically involved with one. You know… the whole 'hairless down there' thing seemed like a turn off. But really, it's great. The bar soap is always clean, if you know what I mean."

**MEM:** *interviewer blushes* "Let's move on then. What did you think of Legolas when you first met him?"

**M: **"Whew. He was hot. No really, he was hot and sweating because he had been practicing his archery out in the blazing sun in the middle of August."

**MEM:** "And what was the first thing about him that grabbed your attention."

**M:** "That would be his long knife. It was the first thing he showed me. Just whipped right out there for all to see. I'd never seen such a long one before. And it has never been altered. It's as natural as it was the day it was made."

**MEM:** "Certainly it looks used after all these years?"

**M:** "Oh well, yes it has some scars and notches in it but it still works of course. It gives it character."

**MEM:** "Does he ever let you hold it?"

**M: **"Any time I want. I don't even ask anymore. I just pull it out and start playing with it."

**MEM:** "And Legolas doesn't mind?"

**M:** "Nah. He likes to watch me play with it. Sometimes he gives me lessons on how to hold it correctly. I used to grab it too close to the bottom of the hilt. He fixed that. Now he's teaching me how to swing it around and not bump it into anything. Like I said before, it's pretty long."

**MEM:** "Do you ever take it out in public?"

**M:** "We used to but we don't anymore. First of all, if it's not sheathed right, it makes Legolas walk funny. But our main problem is all the attention it brings. Women faint, children run away crying and men just get jealous because they don't have one like it. One time this guy took his out and waved it at Legolas. He was saying things like, 'Mines got a hook to it.' and 'It's not about length but how you twist it after you stick it in.' He kind of creeped us out. His was pretty small and strange looking. We tried to just walk away from the guy but he kept following us and waving it in the air. Finally, Legolas stopped and turned to the guy. He told him to put it away before someone got hurt. I couldn't help myself and started laughing. Obviously that little thing would hardly be felt if it impaled someone. Anyways, the guy started to get mad. Legolas didn't want to but he finally took his out and showed it to the guy. Turns out that's all he wanted in the first place. He didn't really believe it was that long. Legolas told him all he had to do was ask and he would have showed it to him."

**MEM:** "What ever happen to him?"

**M:** "It's sad but he's in jail now. Somehow he got our phone number and started harassing Legolas saying he wanted to touch it and fondle it. Eventually we called the cops and they arrested the guy. You have to be careful nowadays. There's some real sick-o's out there."

**MEM:** *interviewer rolls eyes and mocks a smile* "Well, it seems that's all we have time for now. It was very nice talking with you."

**M:** "Hey, sure no problem. It was nice meeting you. I hope I gave you something you can use."

**MEM:** *interviewer nods and walks away* "So do I." whispers while out of earshot.


End file.
